It's pronounced resumay and not resume

Astha Rawat aka Birju Kaka (We have no branches)

Biological age from inception 72

Delhi and Bombay, yes Bombay. Bombay Bombay Bombay.
I.Q. 36-24-36

Ardent student of Tamil porn, reluctant Sanghi, legal activist for Procrastinators.Inc, virgin since 1932, recently overcame urolagnia, teacher of gender studies (conceptualized 'lice-free ponytail for men' course) at Chotiwala Chaudhari MBA school, moonlight as Alok Nath, latent symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder, born plagiarist, researching on Abstinence and Narendra Modi
Mobile: 1800-ON-A-HIGH
e-mail: PEST@CONTROL.com

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HARDLY WORKING EXPERIENCE

Thumb twiddler/exotic dancer at CNN-IBN                                            October 2007- 2011

Goalkeeper for Punjabis vs Bengalis in Leo Burnett creative team           Feb-March 2007

Trainee sadist/gibberish talker/zarda connoisseur at Zee News.com       June 2007

Bhajan superstar Chanchal's proxy at special Mata ki Chowki Jagrata Nights                         

DRAMEBAAZI

“A Billion Hippies” – 20 mins, 2007

Director, cameraperson, editor, spot boy (cross-dresser by that virtue), boom possessor-holder-and-flasher(in that order), casting couch.

Film shows a common man's journey. SPOILER ALERT: It has a 2 endings like most intellectual films (read Sajid Khan films) should have - one where a common man of Punjab becomes a common man of Caneda

second where a common man of Gujarat becomes a common man of New Zealand

Shot on SONY PD-170; edited on Final Cut Pro; can be viewed at http://tinyurl.com/3yoep9z

“ESSENTIALLY YERMA IN IMPHAL’- a play by ANHAD, 2008, 2009
P.S The play started as an adaptation of  Lorca’s play Yerma but went on to test audience and actors' patience

unequivocally. In later years I was head hunted by members of audience, forcibly made to watch ND Tiwari's sex tapes. 

"FATHER, SON AND AISHWARYA RAI" - 18 mins, 2011
Director, Story, Screenplay, Dialogues 
Films shows the intricate and complex relationships of Aishwarya Rai, her former boyfriends and their fathers.

 STRAINING WORKSHOPS

SHOE-LACING TYING
Clever ruse by parents to make me touch my toes

SPOTTING THE SUPERNATURAL
Certificate in repeated using of phrases 'Did you see that?' and 'Did you hear that?' in dark room/space


SKILLS AND GILLS

Credited for hiding inside a giant box without thinking, causing high-pressure situations for CNN-IBN’s Editorial board

Working knowledge?? Sorry my senses of oxymoron and sarcasm are missing. Registration number Applied For.

I can rite, but can't read or spell but excel at shouting like most of my anchor peers at CNN-IBN

Have an enviable collection of designer L-guards.

As I mentioned earlier I am a virgin. 

EDUCAYSAN

Degree in Hypersexuality from Kamala Nehru Girls College, University of Delhi with Gold dildo in allied orientation.